Communicating
about Sexuality
1. Before you become involved in a sexual relationship, clarify
your sexual values. Let your partner know about these.
2. If you are broaching the subject of sexuality for the first
time, you can begin by talking in the abstract and gradually
move toward discussing more personal concerns and feelings.
Also, it sometimes helps to use written materials or videos
about improving your sexual life as an icebreaker.
3. Talk with each other about what you like and don't like,
sexually. Although this may feel awkward at first, it is better
than trial and error.
4. If, for whatever reason, something doesn't feel right, say
so. Trust your feelings. Trust your sense of timing and pace.
If you want to progress slowly, let your partner know that.
5. Take responsibility for your own pleasure. Your partner cannot
and should not be expected to read your mind, or know instinctively
what feels good to you. When you give feedback, try to keep
the focus mostly on your feelings and responses, not on your
partner's behavior.
6. If you want to make it easier for your partner to open up,
make yourself vulnerable first. And when it comes time to listen,
listen non judgmentally, be supportive, and thank your partner
for risking.
7. Be careful about your motives, especially when giving negative
feedback about something you don't like sexually. Remind your
partner about what you do like first. But above all, make sure
your motive is to improve the relationship, not to hurt your
partner.
8. If you ever feel pressured to engage in a sexual behavior
that you are not comfortable with, simply say "No"
or "I don't want to do it." You don't need to provide
reasons unless you want to (in any case, don't provide them
if they will bring only counter arguments). If the other person
does not accept your wishes, tell him/her that you do not like
being pressured, and keep repeating "No" or "I
don't want to" until he/she backs off. If this process
takes more than a little effort, you need to leave and find
a better partner. |
