Improving
Communication in Relationships
The first place to begin improving a relationship is within
ourselves. We need to take responsibility for our role in any
problem. In addition, we need to be in healthy contact with
ourselves before we can be in healthy contact with others.
Second, we need to become good listeners. Good listening means
that you put aside what you're doing, focus your eyes on the
speaker, think about what he/she is really saying, avoid stepping
on the others' lines, show interest, respond non judgementally,
ask interested questions, and try to not overdo introducing
your own experiences into the discussion.
Third, we need to get rid of some unfortunate speaking habits.
Here are some behaviors and attitudes that usually do not work
very well in relationships:
• Giving unsolicited lectures or advice
• Walking on eggshells
• Attacking, name calling
• Blaming
• Always trying to appease or please the other person
• Getting defensive, trying to justify your position or
make a case for yourself
• Implying that you know better
• Appealing to "logic" in a way that implies
superiority
Next, we can replace these habits with others, such as:
• Taking emotional risks
• Balancing giving and receiving
• Taking responsibility, using "I" statements
to express feelings
• Honestly expressing a range of feelings, needs, and wishes
• Being assertive rather than passive or aggressive
• Giving each person lots of room to be themselves without
judgment
• Balancing power
• Facing and resolving conflict
• Negotiating for mutually agreed upon, win-win solutions
At the Counseling Center, trained therapists are available
at no cost to students, to assist with these
and other issues.
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