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Maintaining
a Relationship
The first step in building a long-lasting relationship is to
work on yourself. Try to resolve, to the best of your ability,
your own blocks, fears, insecurities, and resentments. Try to
cultivate the qualities you think will form the foundation of
a good, long-lasting relationship. If you want to find a healthy
partner, the first thing to do is become one. Choosing partners
is difficult and important. Many people let "chemistry"
or romantic feelings make the choice, but, depending on our backgrounds,
we can feel lots of "chemistry" for people who will
let us down, confirm our worst fears, behave abusively toward
us, etc. If you think this might be a problem for you, take
a look at your past partners. Write down the negative qualities
in each. Do you see a pattern? For instance, are they all self-centered?
If so, you'll need to avoid self-centered partners in the future,
even if they generate lots of chemistry.
In choosing a partner, try to find someone who has simular values as you. "A friend," said Aristotle, "is another
self." The most common reasons college students give for
ending a romantic relationship are different interests, backgrounds,
sexual attitudes, views about marriage, and intellectual ability.
Pay attention to these issues early in the relationship; talk
about them.
Here are some other characteristics of healthy, long-lasting
relationships:
• Mutual kindness and respect. Lack of put-downs,
one-upsmanship, or a desire to hurt each other.
• Non controlling honesty -- including about what ideas,
feelings, and values are not shared. Taking risks and being
vulnerable with each other. Voicing ideas as you think them,
expressing feelings as you feel them -- and then letting it
go, without trying to control what the other person does with
it.
• Accepting responsibility for one's own life, and recognizing
the other's responsibility for his or her own life.
• Taking time to maintain other important relationships
-- with oneself, with one's friends, and with a higher power
(if you believe in one). |
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CONTACT INFORMATION
AND HOURS OF OPERATION
118 College Drive #5075 Hattiesburg, MS 39406-0001
Telephone: (601) 266-4829
FAX: (601) 266-5146
Email: counseling@usm.edu
EMERGENCY:
University Police 266-4986
Counselor On-call 606-HELP(4357)
Hattiesburg Police 911
Hours of Operation and Location:
M-F 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. Kennard-Washington Hall Room 200
Walk-In Services for Students:
M-F 10 a.m. - 12 p.m. and 2 p.m. - 4 p.m.
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